cherry916: ([N3] Pi)
[personal profile] cherry916
I'm not exactly sure how to put this into words since I can't even understand myself right now. I figured that maybe writing out some of my feelings will benefit me in the long run because it is going to be a struggle for me for awhile so don't be surprised if I don't show up or go on hiatus from online.

Early this morning my mother, who was only 58 years old passed away. To give you an idea I am currently 23 and I still lived at home with her.


My Mom was always ill she had fibromyalgia, copd, asthma and late stage emphesema. However, she was recently put on hospice and other than using her oxygen like always she was improving once she got the proper medication and care for both her depression and her pain. She said she was feeling happy and my mom had always talked about how she wanted to die and was ready to die because she was very much depressed. It started about two days ago when mom was sick to her stomach and couldn't hold her bowels. I thought she had food poisoining and we had to clean her up and help her back to bed but it kept coming on and off so we called the hospice nurse who told her it was food poisoning gave her a suppository called it a day. Early this morning I was told they called an ambulance for her which isn't unsual. We have often had to call an ambulance for Mom for her to get some care in the hospital I thought today would be no different.

So I wasn't out in the living room to see the paramedics take her outside which I guess I am thankful for.

From what I understand she went from talking to my dad to foaming at the mouth, not responding, losing all control of her bowels and the EMT's told us they would take her to the hospital but at that point she wasn't breathing on her own and didn't have a heart rate and she likely wouldn't make it. She also recently signed a do not resusitate order.

When we made it to the hospital she died en route and here it is 2:30 AM and I honestly don't know what to do. Time seemed to drag really slowly today for me it still is. I took off work tommorow but I still have school to deal with this week and I honestly have no idea what to do right now.

I just thought maybe talking about it might help me in some way for what is later to come for me. I guess I will keep you updated. I hope you all take care.

Date: 2016-09-06 09:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raloria.livejournal.com
I'm so very sorry for your loss. When my dad passed away 10 years ago I didn't know what to do either. Take your time with all the feelings. I know for me, it was good that I was going to college at the time and it was sort of a helpful distraction. It didn't suppress all the grief, but it did help me cope in the early stages. Take care. *hugs*

Date: 2016-09-06 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vyperdd.livejournal.com
So sorry for your loss. Sending my thoughts and condolences to you and your family.

Does your school have a counselor or someone you can talk to?

Take care of yourself.

*hugs*

Date: 2016-09-06 11:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borgmama1of5.livejournal.com
I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could give you a hug in person...

Date: 2016-09-06 12:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] m14mouse.livejournal.com
I am so sorry for your loss. :(

Date: 2016-09-06 02:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ayane42.livejournal.com
I am so sorry for your loss :(

My dad passed away 20 years ago. He had been sick for a long while and my Mom was prepared, but I had no idea and neither did my brothers and sister (I'm the oldest of 5). It was on Christmas Day, we got a call from the hospital at 4:30am to say his heart had stopped. He also had a DNR.

While my Mom was prepared for his death, she hadn't thought much beyond that, so I took charge, made arrangements for the cremation, contacting family and friends, scheduling the wake, helping my Mom and family deal with the grief of losing my Dad.

That's how I dealt with that.

*hugs* long distance

Date: 2016-09-06 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chellexxx.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I really want to be able to give you such a big hug right now.

Sending you and your loved ones all the love I can 💕

xxx

Date: 2016-09-07 12:51 am (UTC)
ext_19743: (Spring)
From: [identity profile] billysgirl5.livejournal.com
I am so, so sorry for your loss. *SQUISHES YOU* I cannot imagine what you're going through. Take your time; do that you have to do and take care of yourself. I'm here if you need to talk/rant/vent.

Date: 2016-09-07 02:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adameyezd.livejournal.com

I feel so sorry for you. I don't know what to say to make it better, just know that it WILL get better, slowly. But right now I know you don't believe this & the words aren't easing your pain.

Try to focus on getting through just one day at a time (hell, one HOUR at a time if you have to).

My deepest sympathies & condolences to you.

Date: 2016-09-07 04:08 am (UTC)
ladyjane: whipped cream and hand-cuffs. "Got Plans?" (Wibble)
From: [personal profile] ladyjane
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. *hugs*

I wailed like a wild thing when my Mom died, even tho' I should have expected it. Some days you will be fine, others will be awful. Those 7 stages of grief they talk about? They don't come in any particular order, and you don't segue from one to the other. There were days I went through almost all of them -- in the space of a few hours. If she was in Hospice, they should have grief counselors or support groups you can see. Mom was on Hospice-at-Home and we still qualified for counseling if we needed it.

The main thing is not to expect you will react in a specific way. Everyone experiences grief differently. Take time for yourself. Be sure your father is getting whatever time to be alone, and with friends. Let him know you are there for him, and don't be afraid to ask him (or friends) for what you need.

Date: 2016-09-07 09:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mariecaecilie.livejournal.com
Oh dearest friend. Nothing anyone can say or do will help at the moment. Just know thoughts are with you. The next few days will be full of doings.. then life will start again - sun will rise and set but without your mother. This following is a quote from 'The Profet'" it may give you comfort I know it has helped me.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the sheered not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink form the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. .

Date: 2016-09-07 08:22 pm (UTC)
sylsdarkplace: Aubrey Beardsley's Salome & St John (Default)
From: [personal profile] sylsdarkplace
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I just saw your post, and my heart goes out to you. How awful to lose a parent so young. I know when my dad died, we knew it was coming, but one can never be truly prepared. Take time. Be kind to yourself. My father's death changed me and the course of my life. That's okay. We all grieve in our own ways. Don't let people push you to do it their way. If you ever need an ear, message me. I'd be glad to listen. Take care of yourself.

Date: 2016-10-07 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brokenhighways.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear about this :( *hugs*

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