cherry916: ([Sam'n'Dean] concern)
*insert corny supernatural joke here*

Hello peeps! Just wanted to hop on and wish everyone a Happy Easter weekend.

I also wanted to address the new LJ ToS thing since I've gotten some questions regarding it.

I'm staying on LJ. Just so you all are aware. I already have a dreamwidth and an A03. The goal is to move all of my stories to A03 just because I like their service better for hosting stories and such. I am in the process of moving my delicious account to pinboard as we speak. I would also encourage others to migrate stories to A03 as well. However, I am still on LJ and will likely ride the sinking ship down! No worries. The PDF library will still operate as normal just as everything else of mine. You can catch me at cherry916@dreamwidth or cherry619@A03

The new pinboard will be cherry619@pinboard and I am currently migrating all of my bookmarks (and re-tagging some!) to pinboard instead of delicious so if you have not done so already I highly encourage you to follow the pinboard instead of delicious. And as always I am cherry619@tumblr posting more wrestling now a days then supernatural but I'm still trucking along!

I apologize for not updating this more often. Lately life hasn't been too kind for me but one thing I will say or actually two things is that 1) I GOT A NEW CAR \0/ 2) I finally got in to see a therapist for the anxiety and depression so I think hopefully I can better manage everything. 
cherry916: ([Sam] Captured)
Hey all, I haven't posted here in awhile so I figured I'd make a little update about myself and what I've been up too.

Last time since we all talked I've been to a convention in Jacksonville and a wrestling event in Jacksonville in the same month! I recently purchased a new phone as well, a google pixel, which I'm in love with. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm on the right track with life now like I'm finally becoming an adult (even though logically I've been an adult for awhile now). It's been difficult the past few months with depression for me since my Mom passed away 6 months ago and my Dog died from cancer about 4 months ago. I've been having insane mood swings and my anxiety has been getting crazy out of control recently. I've recently been put on new anti depressant and anxiety medication that seems to work pretty well compared to my old one which is good. I take it everyday and that seems to increase my mood drastically, I've been in a funk where I'm constantly agitated, emotional and quite mean to my boyfriend which isn't fair to him but he gets the brunt of my emotions unfortunately since my Mother passed he's essentially my only one I have left that I sort of bear my heart too.

However, those are depressing thoughts lets talk about some good thoughts? Me and Kim went to SPN Jax and had an amazing time! It was weird hooking up again after so long because we've both grown distant and are both suffering through weird times in our lives so it was a bit awkward but once we got into the swing of things it felt like old times. We've also grown closer I think, we've had to reevaluate our friendship and how we've both changed and I think we've grown to a deeper understanding than we were at before if that makes sense?

I also wrote my first fanfiction outside of supernatural, for wrestling of all things! I find that to be significant since I haven't wanted to really write in a long time. I'm trying to be more dilligent online though, I'm reading more and trying to move all my stories over to A03 and that's taking some time. I spend a good chunk of my time on Reddit for wrestling which has sort of overtaken Supernatural/Tumblr/Livejournal entirely but I always find a time to come back here.

So what's up with all of you?
cherry916: ([J2] la con hugs)
The Christmas cards will be getting sent out in about 1 week's time so I am asking anyone again that if they want a card from me to give me their address whether PM or through my email. If you have recieved a card from me before it is likely I still have you on my list to resend a card to you. (I resend cards annually to friends). If you have moved or changed your address and I have sent you a card in the past it would be helpful to give me your new address!

Hope everyone has a good day!
cherry916: ([Wrestling] Body Shoot)
Hey all, it is almost that time to start sending out Christmas Cards again.

If you have recieved one from me last year you will this year as well. I have a list of addresses I automatically send cards too. If you would like to recieve a card from me feel free to send me a PM with your address and I will send you a Christmas Card this year.
cherry916: ([Wrestling] Smile)
I just wanted to make a blanket post thanking you all for the support I have recieved recently. If you didn't read my other post I am talking about the loss of my mother. It's been a rough few weeks but I am definitely better than what I was yesterday and the day before that and I sort of have to keep telling myself that I'll continue to be better than the day previously. We recently recieved her ashes and the death certificate so it sort of feels like...final now? I guess there is no other way to describe it.

So thanks for all the messages and comments and I'm truly sorry if I didn't respond back. I wasn't sure I could so I wanted to make a universal thank you!

giphy
cherry916: ([N3] Pi)
I'm not exactly sure how to put this into words since I can't even understand myself right now. I figured that maybe writing out some of my feelings will benefit me in the long run because it is going to be a struggle for me for awhile so don't be surprised if I don't show up or go on hiatus from online.

Early this morning my mother, who was only 58 years old passed away. To give you an idea I am currently 23 and I still lived at home with her.

Warning for depression and suicidal thoughts and talks about death )

Stay Safe!

Sep. 1st, 2016 03:52 pm
cherry916: ([Sam] bruised)
Everyone located near the big bend of Florida stay safe our tropical storm has just been upgraded to a category 1 hurricane and may get even higher! We are getting hit right now with onslaughts of non-stop rain. Pasco, Pinellas and Hillsborough has essentially been flooded. We won't know the true effects till later tonight early tommorow morning since that is when it will hit. Our schools were closed today and may likely be closed tommorow as well. Thankfully I am not near the eye of the storm but we are still close enough to get hit with huge storm surges, rain and wind, we were under tornado warning for awhile. So if you live in Florida on the coast please stay safe and take caution.

Fun fact: This will be the first Hurricane to make landfall in Florida since hurricane Wilma in 2005!

Reflection

Aug. 26th, 2016 10:58 pm
cherry916: ([Sam'n'Dean] savior)
I just went to my seminar for my second internship yesterday. It was an all day affair of course and boring. I had to drive an hour and 40 minutes in horrible traffic down the express way to get to St. Pete. I was in a minor accident, thankfully nothing worth stoping over I just got a tiny paint transfer on the bumper due to a jackass pulling in front of me when we are all going 70 on the express way!!!!, anywho this was also a poignant time for me because last time I attempted the internship I sort of fell apart from the inside.

I completed my first internship sucessfully. It was k-5 and I was in a second grade classroom and I loved the school, my kids and my cooperating teacher we got along great and had chemistry and I was stoked for my second one which is 6-12 so middle or high and ESE. I got a highschool ESE class and after maybe two weeks in it became a chore to go in. I didn't think the teacher I was paired with was a good teacher, I hated the paraprofessionals working in the classroom and I HATED my supervisor who was brand new to the program and didn't know what the hell to do wouldn't even attempt to come to seminars for us to talk to her because she lives far away! I live farther than she did to St. Pete.

Anyway, I would say this is when my anxiety really began win. I was constantly on a battle with my anxiety and trying to just STOP with everything but its an illness unfortunately and not normal jitters or being nervous its something I began to have all the time and it took me getting together with my boyfriend to admit that yes I do have a problem and this is absolutely not normal behavior to have. I used to dread for Wednesday to come around because then I would have to go back to that school and pretend that I wasn't dying inside and working with kids, whom I loved, but knew that my attempts didn't matter. It didn't help that my supervisor was always constantly on me, criticized me for everything and was basically against me working and going to school. I was told that it was an excuse and it shows that I am not commited to my schooling when I had to leave early one day to go into work. After that I sort of just gave up. I had a panic attack after a phone call to her where she told me these things and had a trip to the hospital because I wasn't calming down and my blood pressure was through the roof.

This was last Spring around March. I was halfway done with the internship too and I had 3 other classes I was attending and I had a moment of ephiphany where I decided that I can't keep doing this to myself. I had NEVER in my life ever dropped a class. I was always dead set focused on finishing school in the shortest amount of time. This fall I was supposed to be in my last internship than graduate but I took a step back and decided that I am not getting anything out of this experience but pain, it was causing me to reconsider my career choice and second guess my ability to do this.

Which, FUCK THAT. I'm sorry but NO person of higher statue that is a TEACHER no less should EVER make a student feel like that ever. I am not one to belittle people or call people names but she is a bitch and I will 100% stand by my word on that for what she did.

However, I have to thank her because without that I don't think I would have really begun to think of myself first. I dropped out of the class, finished my other ones and took a break until now where I am attempting to do it again this time with new everything and a better mindset going into it. I am a lot more confident in what I do and that I am going to do even better than my first one.

Sorry about this reflective post I was just thinking about how far I've come and wanted to really write it out. I promise I will do more fandom related posts for sure.

Let me ask you guys this though,

[Poll #2052614]

Howdy Ho!

Aug. 25th, 2016 01:44 am
cherry916: ([Wrestling] Body Shoot)
It's been a LONG time since I've made a new post huh? I can sit here and tell you that life has been busy yadda yadda yadda same old shit just another day.

I promised to update you all about me and my medical condition? issues? I don't know what to call the clusterfuck anymore! I figured what better time than at 1:30 in the morning, with a migraine and having to get up at 5:00 AM to drive 2 hours to a seminar for school! Rad!

Okay, well let's start that I went to see a neurosurgeon in Tampa for the cyst on my pineal gland. He was going to give me his opinion on what to do next. Basically I was told to wait and monitor it some more because the surgery is VERY involved and they don't want to do anything until I start presenting symptoms of hydrocephalus. Which I know UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH central. I don't want to wait until shit hits the fan I want to be proactive. I also wanted to see if the removal would lesson my migraines but I have to follow doctors orders which means more MRI's in my future. He wants me to visit a headache specialist so we'll see where that goes.

The good news is that I finally have recieved diability for my migraines in regards to school. I did that a few semesters back not even believing I could recieve disability services but migraines are a disability under the law SO I am taking what I can get. It is just for leniancy with absences I never know when I will have one and I don't want to be penalized for things that I can't control is the main thing.

I am still writing, I have already finished my [livejournal.com profile] spn_summergen story just waiting for it to be posted. Still reading a lot but I recently got back into wrestling (I used to watch it religiously for about 8 years straight and sort of got burnt out around 2010-2011 so I quit before joining the world of online so now everyone on my tumblr has to suffer as I post wrestling shit and I may make you all suffer too! It is definitely something else reading a threesome of hot, sweaty, muscular men gotta say WAAAAAAAAY different than J2 or SPN.)

And I don't know if Kim is cool with me announcing this but me and her MAY or MAY NOT be attending the convention in Jacksonville next year (don't forget I live in Florida broskis!)

And that's about it with me hopefully you all have been doing well and I miss everyone of you dearly. Don't be afraid to send me messages if you want to chat I am normally checking my stuff once daily. love ya!

Thanks

Jul. 3rd, 2016 01:06 pm
cherry916: ([J2] close up)
I want to send out a sincere thank you for those who wished me a happy birthday a few days ago! It really meant a lot considering that birthday was sort of the worst ones I ever had for personal reasons. I've been dealing with bouts of depression that has really affected my relationship with my boyfriend as well as my family and my schooling. So it was really great to see some still cared, because sometimes it feels like no one really does but that made me quite happy <3

Other than dealing with that I just finished a book that I had to re-check out twice since I couldn't finish it the last time so that left me feeling very accomplished. I went to books a million yesterday and purchased two new books as well as an adult coloring book. I'm hoing to rekindle a love for more of my hobbies to attempt to help with the depression.

Other than that I have like 5 tabs open for stories to read from [livejournal.com profile] spn_j2_bigbang and [livejournal.com profile] spn_meanttobe! In other words I have A LOT of reading to do.

Recs will come if anyone is interested from my reading adventure.

Here's your first rec from my reading:

Sunday, Maybe Monday by [livejournal.com profile] alexisjane (Big Bang 2016)
Summary: Jensen is a short order cook. He works, he sleeps – it's enough. Then one day, Jensen notices Jared.

I normally don't do huge age difference in fics but I'm so glad I decided to try and read this! I just love the simplicity of the story it really breathes life into the crazy, plot driven fics that we normally get, and produces something that is more organize and really makes you feel the emotions and the relationship. 

Update

Mar. 13th, 2016 10:04 pm
cherry916: ([J2] so in love)
Hey all! Long time no see. I updated my status over on tumblr but since this was my 1st home I'm going to update ya'll here as well. Basically I haven't been around much, been slacking on all fandom responsibilities I have prided myself in doing. I haven't been reading nor writing anything these days. My boyfriend even commented how sad it was that I wasn't writing like I used too.

This is not a goodbye! This is just a status update on me, more like an explanation as to why it's been that way.

Just wanted to say that sorry I’ve been away so much. I’ve actually been dealing with medical issues recently. My anxiety has gotten a lot worse. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder last year and three nights ago I was in the ER with a panic attack. I have never had a hyperventilating panic attack before so that was scary. My oxygen level was down to an 88% and I was passing out and jerking back awake in the ER off and on. I had to be sedated and I was sent home the following morning. I would say it’s getting to the point of being extreme so if I am not on here much I apologize. Sometimes I don’t even open my laptop anymore due to the anxiety. It’s quite crippling and definitely kicking my ass at the moment. I have to figure out a way to cope with this so it doesn’t completely control my life. Just wanted you all to be up to date with the happenings of Cherry, if anyone was curious.

Other than that I am still trucking on, trying my best to get through school (which actually triggered that panic attack, more importantly a phone call with someone from school who I am 100% going to report for what happened over said phone call but that's another story)

Till then xoxo

P.S recently gotten netflix because my boyfriend had it then I had to have it. I've been enjoying watching Highway Thru Hell good show would reccomend to check out.

P.S.S one story that I've been reading despite my limited interest/time is It's In The Cards by [livejournal.com profile] lady_simoriah 10/10 will recommend.

P.S.S.S wouldn't mind taking recs for any vids/fanfiction etc. that you would like me to check out 10/10 will recommend

=D

bummer

Jan. 4th, 2016 08:31 pm
cherry916: ([Jared] gorgeous smile)
So, since yesterday morning I had been having some pains behind my sternumn (the bottom of the esophagus basically). The pain woke me up and I originally thought it was anxiety because it felt like a knot in there. I took one of my anti-anxiety medications and it went away and only became a dull ache that I could manage. I hadn't been eating for the last few days (at least eating full meals) because I had no appeitie. When I tried to eat the burning intensified until it passed through that specific spot. This morning I waited to see if the pain was any worse and the pain woke me up again at around 5:45. I decided to call off work and make an appointment with my doctor about it because the pain was very intense.

I thought maybe it was heartburn or something, even though I have never had any issues with that before, so I took some tums and tried pepto bismal to no evail. I eventually fell back asleep and when I woke up I had the migraine from hell. So my boyfriend drove me to my appointment.

I had tests and bloodwork scheduled but basically my doctor told me he was 95% sure I had an ulcer. Possibly from the NSAIDs I take in conjuction with other meds to relieve my migraines. The pain has gotten worse since then. I have flare ups of burning and when I try to eat its of course worse because unfortunately its not in my stomach but in the esophagus.

So I wanted to ask anyone if they had any remedies they know of for ulcers. I've been presribed medication for it (but I won't recieve anything definite until I get the tests results back and he knows for sure). I have to work the rest of the week and school starts next week so any medical advice/remedies would be appreciated!
cherry916: ([J2] stare of love)
Wanted to send out a quick thanks to everyone who has sent me cards/wished me a Merry Christmas! I will say that the last semester of my schooling for very difficult for me and it involved a lot of me understanding about my limitations. I recently was diagnosed with GAD which is generalized anxiety disorder. I've since been on medication for my anxiety and I have been in such a better place since then. My migraines have been cut in half and I hardly ever get anxious at little things that aren't significant. I am looking forward to next semester with the medication this time. This was also my first time applying for diability through the university. I suffer from chronic migraine syndrome and last semester I have missed quite a lot of classes due to them. Thankfully, I had understanding proffessors but I wanted to get disability so that I can maybe get the lectures recorded in case I am absent. This is my last year of my BS degree, and it sucks to realize that I could have had disability throughout my schooling when I was a child but I have become more educated on the matter and maybe my general PSA might help others who suffer from migraines. Migraines are under American's with Disabilities act. A disability doesn't have to be something you can immediately see.

So enough with that, I have made some new year's resolutuions to be more organized with my life in all aspects. I would like to balance, work and school, personal time and relationships and my hobbies. I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments but like I've said I've been trying to get my life back in order again. Throughout my AA degree and the first two semesters of university I haven't been as stressed as last semester. That semester pushed my mental and emotional limits for sure but I perservered and came out with a 4.0 after having C's for most of the semester.

Blah, blah, blah boring right? Anyway, I want to wish you all a very happy 2016! I hope you all are making resolutions for yourselves as well. Feel free to share them if you wish!
cherry916: ([J2] stare of love)
Wow, it's been awhile since I updated this thing huh?

Well, I do have a good excuse. I'm trying to get through my last few semesters for my BS so I can begin teaching. Throughout this semester though I've been dealing with some medical issues that I guess I'll go into more depth come Thursday but we won't worry about that now.

I did want to say that I am watching the new season of supernatural. I won't be doing reviews because once again I am super busy and barely have time to read anymore. However, I will say I want to get some new PDF's made in the coming week. I already have two new SPN ones I am going to add. I will take suggestions on what you would like to see be made into a PDF. Remember, the process I go through is to ask the author first for their permission before I do so. Just keep that in mind.

I am also still writing. I have to catch up on the things I written this summer but I am doing two challenges so look forward to seeing that.

Just wanted to blow the dust off this thing and open up communication again. 

Update

Jul. 10th, 2015 07:34 pm
cherry916: ([Sam'n'Dean] family business)
So I’ve really been slacking a lot lately when it comes to fandom stuff and tumblr and writing and basically anything to do with online and I’ll explain why. So, recently I’ve been going through a rough time with work and school. I was having these horrible migraines that wouldn’t quit, I was nauseous and just generally stressed all the time. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed as having situational depression. I was given medication to get rid of the constant migraine I was having and some anti-depression medication. I’m currently moving to another job right now that pays more and is part time because my Mom is very ill. I am hoping this will help me to become less stressed and less anxious and generally more happy because I haven’t been so in a few months. I just wanted to let ya’ll know what was going on with me and that I didn’t just disappear.

Thanks

Jun. 29th, 2015 06:03 pm
cherry916: ([Sam] Reichenbach)

Just wanted to make a blanket post saying thanks for all the birthday messages they mean a lot.

cherry916: ([Sam] Reichenbach)

WENT AND SAW JURASSIC WORLD

THIS ONE DID

I Survived!

May. 5th, 2015 11:38 am
cherry916: ([Misc.] to do list)
So, I managed to survive my first semester at USF. Some of the classes really challenged my patience, as did the teachers but I lived and learned and made it out on the other side.

I jump right back into another semester come May 11th but I get a very small repreieve. Hopefully next semester will go a lot better than the first now that I have a lot more knowledge.

I am still 100% in fandom however, if anyone was wondering. I plan to add more PDF's as well as write some more. I am going to participate in [livejournal.com profile] spn_summergen as I do every year. I do have a few ficlets I have written after spn episodes but I need to get them beta'd (if anyone is offering that'd be awesome)

I am still watching SPN as well and I'm on tumblr if you ever want to hit me up over here. I still mod [livejournal.com profile] spnstoryfinders and [livejournal.com profile] spn_littlebro

Still the same old me I just have ten times more workload. I remember when I quit school and had no job and basically this was all I did 24/7. I would stay up really late and then sleep all day and do it in repeat and you know, I really don't miss that.

Anyway, how has everyone been? How are you liking the season!

Oohhh I know let's have a poll and see what ya'lls favorite episode is? Mine currently has been The Werther Project, and Fan Fiction

[Poll #2010242]
cherry916: ([J2] PCAS)
Going under a cut for squicky-ness (it is swelling but still pretty gnarley looking)

only click if you aren't squeamish! )
cherry916: ([Sam'n'Dean] this is real)
Guess whose an official college grad?

CAM00402

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