No Looking Back 1/10
Nov. 22nd, 2010 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cherry916Title: No Looking Back
Summary: Dean was merely a shadow only to intervene when needed. Spoilers for 5x03. Limp Sam/Protective/Unstable Dean. Solely In Deans POV
He felt numb, driving down the deserted highway; it was the only way to describe the sensation he felt. Right? It's all natural he just lied to an angel lied to himself it's natural to feel numb, empty, hollow. ' Just another day at the office really.' Dean thought to himself as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He looked over to the passenger side of the Impala and was met with dead air. He said it himself he was happy, happy as any man could get.
Then why the hell did he feel this way? Dean argued with himself as he continued on to nowheresville. Not really having any purpose but to drive off all the tension he had. He was losing his mind, he may not admit it, but he's starting to talk to himself and it's creeping him out a little; especially when he takes the incentive to answer himself back. He knows he has a problem when he starts answering his own fucking questions.
When did life get so complicated? When did he have this gnawing ache in his gut, so bad, that it was just driving him closer to calling Sam? Just to check, and for once talk to someone other than himself and an angel who has absolutely no sense of humor. He could lie with the rest of them and end up in Hell again but he wasn't having fun. Sure the weight of having to constantly worry about Sam's every move was lifted but it was replaced by the same feeling he had when Sam left for Stanford only it's more dire.
When you spend every waking minute by yourself you come up with some vivid thoughts and imaginations. I mean Lucifer is still on the run. What if other hunters found out Sam's connection to releasing Lucifer? He's pondered that question a couple of times but every time it comes out with a different outcome.
It's so dark he can barely see anymore and he can't help but wonder if Sam is in the same situation. God his brain hurts from all the constant questions he's been asking himself.
Dean brought a free hand up to rub his temples which were starting to throb in pain. All the stress, tension, worry. He sighed as he realized departing from his brother has just caused more problems then intended if not for Sam definitely for himself.
Ever valiant he continued on because he had to find a motel soon before he started that freaky thing of answering himself. That must be the weirdest and scariest thing he's ever done. All because you pushed Sam away.
"Bite me." He seethed but quickly realized he's picking a fight with himself. He groaned as he just answered himself again.
"Oh boy it's gonna be a long night."
Dean trudged into the Starlight Inn around 2:30 in the morning. He was tired and exhausted, but at the same time, wound up and filled with adrenaline. He hated it. He brought all his stuff in and meticulously went to unpacking it, placing items in there correct locations for the time being. He looked sadly at the vacant bed sitting next to his own. Even though he didn't need an extra bed he's been getting them anyway it made him feel…I don't know not crappy. He laughed at his thoughts and then began the task of putting up salt lines, the whole notch. By the time he was done he clocked in around 3 and he prided himself on his time. "A lot better then last time." He said to himself quietly, while not even given thought that his separation from Sam has totally caused him to become ocd.
He went about his nightly routine of a shower, dental hygiene, double checking the salt line and wards. His other nightly priorities were halted due to Sam gone.
God, his head was killing him.
He slowly slid into bed when the shrill of his phone started. At first he had hopes of it being Sam but just knowing he knew it wasn't.
He reached blindly on the nightstand for it until his fingers met the buzzing item. "Hello?" He sounded terrible even to his own ears. That's what talking to yourself for 5 hours straight will do I guess.
"Dean? How you doing boy?"
Dean smiled a bit at Bobby's lighthearted way of saying 'I've been worried sick about you', "Fine and dandy." He lied straight through his teeth and he knew that Bobby would pick it up.
"Right, listen I talked to Sam recently and he's been seeing some revelation omens where he is."
That got his attention as any mention of Sam now a days perked his ears. It wasn't what he was expecting though and it didn't help the ache in his gut. "What? What do you mean omens?" He blurted out in a hurry because number one he had no clue where the hell Sam is. Number two he knows from his own knowledge revelation and Lucifer are like two peas in a pod.
"Calm down Dean, he asked for some other hunters to check it out and I sent some there for him it's just…"
He heard Bobby pause on the other end and right along with him he paused in breath. His frequent question asking hadn't been far off. God please let me be off my rocker on this.
"Well it's just what?" He was slightly irritated with a hint of worry. His brain was working overload on so many questions he could hardly focus on the conversation.
"He hasn't called back after that to give me the ok or thumbs up that it was a success or something was found. I just got a bad feeling you know."
Hell yes he knows because he's been having that bad feeling ever since Sam left. "Ok just do you know where's he's at?" He willed his beating heart to calm down because when even Bobby starts to get a bad feeling something must of went wrong. He untangled himself from the current motel sheets and began searching for a piece of paper.
"Yeah, he's in Garber, Oklahoma last time he called. I'm not quite sure the motel but I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Yeah he only hoped that he hasn't lost his sense of his brother so much he couldn't even pick what motel he would take. "Thanks I'll find him see if he's ok." He sighed as he scribbled off Garber, Oklahoma on a crumpled heap of paper. With the way his mind has been wondering he was sure he would forget it in no time.
"Good. Now Dean, I don't think brotherly intervention with a touch of psychotic Dean is the best approach."
Huh, so he ain't the only one thinking he needs a straitjacket. Small world. "I know, ok I know I won't burst in there I'll be a shadow but If I'm needed well you know." He said quietly as he tugged on a pair of jeans with one hand. He'll play the old shadow trick, he'll just watch from afar not intervening unless completely necessary. God this was going to be fun.
"I know just call me when you find him."
"Will do bye Bobby." He said quickly as he threw his phone onto the bed so he could slip into something other than his nightshirt. He has to look good being a stalker. God, if only it were that simple.
Chapter Two
Summary: Dean was merely a shadow only to intervene when needed. Spoilers for 5x03. Limp Sam/Protective/Unstable Dean. Solely In Deans POV
He felt numb, driving down the deserted highway; it was the only way to describe the sensation he felt. Right? It's all natural he just lied to an angel lied to himself it's natural to feel numb, empty, hollow. ' Just another day at the office really.' Dean thought to himself as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He looked over to the passenger side of the Impala and was met with dead air. He said it himself he was happy, happy as any man could get.
Then why the hell did he feel this way? Dean argued with himself as he continued on to nowheresville. Not really having any purpose but to drive off all the tension he had. He was losing his mind, he may not admit it, but he's starting to talk to himself and it's creeping him out a little; especially when he takes the incentive to answer himself back. He knows he has a problem when he starts answering his own fucking questions.
When did life get so complicated? When did he have this gnawing ache in his gut, so bad, that it was just driving him closer to calling Sam? Just to check, and for once talk to someone other than himself and an angel who has absolutely no sense of humor. He could lie with the rest of them and end up in Hell again but he wasn't having fun. Sure the weight of having to constantly worry about Sam's every move was lifted but it was replaced by the same feeling he had when Sam left for Stanford only it's more dire.
When you spend every waking minute by yourself you come up with some vivid thoughts and imaginations. I mean Lucifer is still on the run. What if other hunters found out Sam's connection to releasing Lucifer? He's pondered that question a couple of times but every time it comes out with a different outcome.
It's so dark he can barely see anymore and he can't help but wonder if Sam is in the same situation. God his brain hurts from all the constant questions he's been asking himself.
Dean brought a free hand up to rub his temples which were starting to throb in pain. All the stress, tension, worry. He sighed as he realized departing from his brother has just caused more problems then intended if not for Sam definitely for himself.
Ever valiant he continued on because he had to find a motel soon before he started that freaky thing of answering himself. That must be the weirdest and scariest thing he's ever done. All because you pushed Sam away.
"Bite me." He seethed but quickly realized he's picking a fight with himself. He groaned as he just answered himself again.
"Oh boy it's gonna be a long night."
Dean trudged into the Starlight Inn around 2:30 in the morning. He was tired and exhausted, but at the same time, wound up and filled with adrenaline. He hated it. He brought all his stuff in and meticulously went to unpacking it, placing items in there correct locations for the time being. He looked sadly at the vacant bed sitting next to his own. Even though he didn't need an extra bed he's been getting them anyway it made him feel…I don't know not crappy. He laughed at his thoughts and then began the task of putting up salt lines, the whole notch. By the time he was done he clocked in around 3 and he prided himself on his time. "A lot better then last time." He said to himself quietly, while not even given thought that his separation from Sam has totally caused him to become ocd.
He went about his nightly routine of a shower, dental hygiene, double checking the salt line and wards. His other nightly priorities were halted due to Sam gone.
God, his head was killing him.
He slowly slid into bed when the shrill of his phone started. At first he had hopes of it being Sam but just knowing he knew it wasn't.
He reached blindly on the nightstand for it until his fingers met the buzzing item. "Hello?" He sounded terrible even to his own ears. That's what talking to yourself for 5 hours straight will do I guess.
"Dean? How you doing boy?"
Dean smiled a bit at Bobby's lighthearted way of saying 'I've been worried sick about you', "Fine and dandy." He lied straight through his teeth and he knew that Bobby would pick it up.
"Right, listen I talked to Sam recently and he's been seeing some revelation omens where he is."
That got his attention as any mention of Sam now a days perked his ears. It wasn't what he was expecting though and it didn't help the ache in his gut. "What? What do you mean omens?" He blurted out in a hurry because number one he had no clue where the hell Sam is. Number two he knows from his own knowledge revelation and Lucifer are like two peas in a pod.
"Calm down Dean, he asked for some other hunters to check it out and I sent some there for him it's just…"
He heard Bobby pause on the other end and right along with him he paused in breath. His frequent question asking hadn't been far off. God please let me be off my rocker on this.
"Well it's just what?" He was slightly irritated with a hint of worry. His brain was working overload on so many questions he could hardly focus on the conversation.
"He hasn't called back after that to give me the ok or thumbs up that it was a success or something was found. I just got a bad feeling you know."
Hell yes he knows because he's been having that bad feeling ever since Sam left. "Ok just do you know where's he's at?" He willed his beating heart to calm down because when even Bobby starts to get a bad feeling something must of went wrong. He untangled himself from the current motel sheets and began searching for a piece of paper.
"Yeah, he's in Garber, Oklahoma last time he called. I'm not quite sure the motel but I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Yeah he only hoped that he hasn't lost his sense of his brother so much he couldn't even pick what motel he would take. "Thanks I'll find him see if he's ok." He sighed as he scribbled off Garber, Oklahoma on a crumpled heap of paper. With the way his mind has been wondering he was sure he would forget it in no time.
"Good. Now Dean, I don't think brotherly intervention with a touch of psychotic Dean is the best approach."
Huh, so he ain't the only one thinking he needs a straitjacket. Small world. "I know, ok I know I won't burst in there I'll be a shadow but If I'm needed well you know." He said quietly as he tugged on a pair of jeans with one hand. He'll play the old shadow trick, he'll just watch from afar not intervening unless completely necessary. God this was going to be fun.
"I know just call me when you find him."
"Will do bye Bobby." He said quickly as he threw his phone onto the bed so he could slip into something other than his nightshirt. He has to look good being a stalker. God, if only it were that simple.
Chapter Two
